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Lila Luminosity and the Planet Christmas Murder

Written By: Norma Zager
Published by: Devine Destinies
ISBN #: 978-1-55487-204-6
Word Count:18000
Page Count: 72
Heat Level:
Price: $3.99
Available in: Adobe Acrobat, Palm DOC/iSolo, Microsoft Reader, Hiebook, HTML, Mobipocket, Rocket, Epub, Sony PDF, Sony LRF

    Stellar tossed and turned in her bed, afraid to close her eyes. When she finally fell asleep, she was quickly interrupted by a familiar hologram floating above her bed. "Oh Lord, what are you doing here?"

    "I'm the Christmas present dude."

    "Okay first, you're not a dude, you're Lila's Mom. Second, why are you dressed like a chicken with a Santa hat on your head? Third, shouldn't you be in the kitchen cooking a chicken and not imitating one?"

    "That's exactly what I said. However, this guy came to our house and said I have to go be a Christmas present chicken and I had no choice. So I put my dinner in the slow cooker, threw these feathers on over my apron and came right over."

    "So, you're supposed to do, what may I ask?" Stellar asked hesitantly.

    "Supposedly, I'm the guide here."

    "Guiding me where?"

    "To good stuff or something. From what I gathered, I'm supposed to show you what's happening right now and then you have to see someone else for the future. I don't know. It all sounds so familiar, yet so weird. I have no idea why he dragged me into this in the middle of preparing Vore's dinner. Plus Lila's father probably still hasn't taken the laundry out of the dryer, and by the time I get home, it will all be wrinkled. And I'll tell you, I'm not ironing it, he will have to put every piece in the ironing machine until they're perfect. That man--"

    "Stop, I know all about the wrinkled laundry. Can we just get on with this please so I can go back to sleep. This whole thing is freaking me out here. What scares me most is you actually look pretty okay as a chicken."

    "Fine, Ms. Impatient. Don't shoot the messenger here because this wasn't my idea. Remember that. I have better things to do with my time than schlep you through the universe on some intergalactic life lesson thing. By the way, do these feathers make me look fat? "

    Stellar rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Now I see where Lila gets her craziness and, Ms. Chicken Lady, this century please."

    "Fine, cool your hydrogen burners there, missy. We're going. Sheesh. Like I have nothing better to do--"

     "What's that?"

    "What where," Lila's Mom responded.

    "That there. Testy, what's he doing?"

    "Just a minute I can't see over these damn feathers. Wait, he's shopping I think," she answered.

    "Ask him what he's buying," Stellar said.

    "No, he can't see or hear us. That's the deal remember? Don't you watch old holoflicks?"

    "Oh shoot."

    "What's the matter?"

    "I hate blue grabnab fur. It clashes with my coloring and makes me look as pale as the moons of Sirious."

    "He's just looking at it," Lila's Mom defended. "Maybe you can send some sort of psychic message or something."

    "Yuk yuk yucky."

    "That's the message?"

    "Well you said to send a message," Stellar said.

    "Yes, but be more creative. No wonder you and Lila are still single. What color do you like?"

    "Pink."

    "Okay, watch and learn. Pink fur, pink fur, ordering pink fur here."

    "Uh huh? And that's any different than saying yuk?"

    "You need to be more positive."

    "I am positive. Positive that blue fur is yucky."

    "This isn't going the way I planned," Lila's mom mused.

    "So what's your plan? I just want to get this over with."

    "You're supposed to look at some cosmic overview of your life and realize how you're not enjoying all the good things, yudda, yudda, yudda and stop acting like such a pain in the ass buzz kill and--"

    "And what?"

    "I don't remember any more. I'm not twenty, I forget shit."

     "But this crazy trip through the universe thing you needed to remember?"

    "I'd leave now if I could, but we have one more stop."

    "Then will you go back to cooking chickens instead of impersonating one please," Stellar pleaded.

    "Deal."

    Can Lila and Buster find the perfect holiday gifts? Will Stellar finally understand the real meaning of Christmas? Has Mavus gone off the deep end of the solar system and really murdered Santa? Will Lila’s Mom create the perfect chicken recipe for the holidays? All this and much more will be revealed in Lila Luminosity and the Planet Christmas Murder, a hilarious holiday romp through the galaxy with Lila and her quirky crew.

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